I’m a Frettin’ about Armageddon

M. Fennell, 12/31/99

 

Gather close while I tell my tale
Of the waning days before the republic failed
It hit us hard on that fateful day
Brought on by the night they called “The Y2K”

We’d been lectured and warned and worried to fear
Since even before the previous year
Some doubted, some paused, and some were struck scared
But as a former Boy Scout, I would be quite prepared

First I bought some land and built me a cabin
I installed some cameras, (to insure no thievery could happen)
I built a huge metal fence, installed some strong locks
And I hooked it all up to give big electric shocks

I connected my wires to the local utilities tower
Forget the folks in the city, at least I’ll have my power
And so that I wouldn’t be wanting for water this winter
I even rerouted the local meandering river


Soon I felt myself quite ahead of the game
And for a great many months, life was quite sane
Sane, that is, until the December 31st
That, my friends, is when things became worse

People had heard that the fuel wasn’t to last
And so cars lined the streets, waiting for gas
Soon fuel was gone and the stations had closed
(Which only just proved what we all had supposed)

I went to my bank to close out my account
But so did a crowd, and the bank was soon out
Those who couldn’t get cash, panicked outside
Just as I was departing, the SWAT team arrived

With money in hand, I went to the store
But the shelves were barren and the clerks said, “No more.”
I waited in line 3 hours at least
And a woman ran her cart right over my feet

With ample cash and food and fuel with me
I locked my car doors and hit the highway with speed
Through city and town I went toward my country abode
I felt more relaxed as I got close to my home


Suddenly another driver appeared in my lane
Speeding, and swerving, was he possibly insane?
He veered and flew over the nearby knoll
While I managed to knock over a telephone pole

Both of us stranded, we fought over our food
But after the accident, not much of it was good
So we wandered for miles just by ourselves
And knocked on the first door, asking for help.

He said, “I’d love to help you, but I just can’t.
You see the phones are down, and we are all out of gas.
We seem to be unusually low on our power
And not enough water for even one shower.”

I looked at my watch: it was 12:41
Millennium, I thought, had actually begun
With all that before me, I finally knew
That the Y2K crash had certainly come true


Notes:

Look at the date. I wrote it on the last day of the year.

No one really knew what was going to happen, but we'd been warned a long time.

I got inspired by a few real events, and stories I'd heard (the planning people did).

Mostly I thought that if anything is going to happen, it will be set on by panic in a self-fulfilling prophecy. Thats how the poem came about.

And, as we all know, no disasters happened.